We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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