Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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