i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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