drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
