he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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