so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
