When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
honey bunches of taint.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
