so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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