That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
