I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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