Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
