i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
