I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
