He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Will exercising make me less horny?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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