Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
