Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
