I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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