I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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