apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
