i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i love accidental penises.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
