apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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