I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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