I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
