I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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