I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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