whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
