So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
3pm strippers are depressing
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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