Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
