there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
