Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
