Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
