Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
