I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
