Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
