First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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