I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The adults are the big ones right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
