If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
