i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
