i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
