The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
