DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
