I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
