is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
