my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
