I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
