Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
