I seem to have left my pride at pride
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
