They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize