i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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