Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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