I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We had to coat check the pizza.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize