3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
