I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize