so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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