Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize