Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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