One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
