she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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