My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize