Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
