I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was born a porn star she said
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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