I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
