I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
