Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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