I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
